In this video snippet from 2014, FIRE UP Coaching® Director Kathy McKenzie talks about empowering others through your everyday behaviour.
It started off as a description of the roles and the rules that we take on in our families. So for some people, we play the rescuer and I say we, because that’s the doorway that I tend to enter this from. And we have to be careful about that because when we do that, and you think about it, is there anyone in your family that you wish they could just make some health changes? Anyone got anyone like that in their family here? Or they’re in a relationship and you think, “Oh, just…make some shifts there?” And you just want to rescue them. And you presume I’m okay. But when we make that assumption, when we try and rescue people, we make the assumption that they haven’t got the capacity to make that change for themselves.
So then, there’s the victim. Anyone work with someone who plays the victim? It wouldn’t be us, of course. So that’s a person where “My life is much harder that your life”. And it’s not that, these things are much more subtle than that, we generally don’t play it. But someone will play that they had the harder part of the family, etc. I said to dad, “When we were teenagers, I wonder who played this role?” So the persecutor, that’s the person who says, “It’s my way or the highway”. I’m okay and I know what should happen. Unfortunately, that still plays out in a lot of dynamics, in teens and health.
So I just wanted to share that with you because for all of us, we need to get into the middle here where we accept that I’m okay and you’re okay, that everyone in your team has the potential to change. But we have to accept that sometimes they may not change at the rate that we would like.